I can’t still get what is wrong. I try to get it but couldn’t at the moment. Dave is totally gone from us. He doesn’t listen to our counsels, does he even ask us for counsel! We just live under same roof. He seems to find it hard to do anything with us other than greetings. Mere looking at him, I can see the chord is partially broken. He only honours us as his parents but that tie is no longer there. Even times we sit together, his mind seems far from us. Even times we want him to talk to us, he seems to have learn to talk to self and someone somewhere. Even when he should sit with us, he seems to have learnt to sit alone. Things he should ask from us, he had learnt to get it somewhere else. The strength he needs to get from us, he is been given by someone else. All, I mean all we should be to him seem to have been taken over by another or maybe I should say, he has plugged to another to draw whatever he needs.
What? What can bring about this? My son is to me as if I did not have him. I am worried, really worried. Is there someone teaching him against us? What could this be the problem? Now my conscience begin to remind me how we by ourselves created the gap, how we partially broke the chord.
“Your husband was all about work, trip here and there. His job was his priority” My conscience
“That is what gave us money” I responded
“You should take care of the home and the son but you were all about event and happenings. Party, social gathering, the pleasure of been the society woman was more than the son” My conscience
“I made sure he was in save hands. He had all he needed, best clothes, best schools and all he wanted.” I replied
“What about what money cannot buy. You impose things on him without caring about his feeling and what he wanted. He passed through the process of that pain alone; the pain of making him what he never wanted to be.” My conscience
“We only wanted the best for him” I replied
“You can’t get the best out of one by imposing on him the things he can’t find in himself. You never took your time to study your child to know what he wanted, to know his potential and gifts. You didn’t know him, talk less of helping him develop who he was. Is that how to give a child the best in that regard?” My conscience
“He learnt to speak to others when he wanted to speak to you but you were not there. He drew strength from another when he needed it but you were not there. He had you but you made him grow as if you were not there” My consciousness
“He should have asked.” I replied
“Most times you were not available, were you? Other times you were bent on your mind. You were not ready to rob mind with him, you were ready to impose your view in everything.” My conscience
The words “he grew as if we were not there” struck my mind. He had learnt to be himself without us. Now I am not into parties, my husband’s trip has drop, we want to get close to him but he is long gone from us.
He has grown to listen to others instead of us, he has learnt to stay alone instead of staying with us. We try to move close but he seems pleased where he is. We try to talk to him but he won’t say anything to us, we don’t know what is happening in his life, we can’t really say much about him, I mean on who he has grown to become.
I feel so guilty. We had allowed so much space between our son and us and it seems it cannot be filled. He had money and all but what of what we could give that money cannot buy. The time he was curious, he wanted to ask questions, we were not there. The time he wanted us, he found himself with the house help. I came to realize that we created the gap and there was no one teaching him the things to do. We were the one who gave the chance to be to be our son as if we are not.
What can I do? I make myself more available to him. Trying to give him attention and make him know that I am willing to give him all support. It is to him late as he has planned himself beyond my guess. He just informed his plan to go stay in USA. “Stay with us, we need you here”. “I need to go to get my life”. He left us but we communicate in scanty words as scanty as we could.
one year ago